What I'm watching

I have a month between classes and I’m getting to the point in my pregnancy where traveling is really uncomfortable, so I’m forced to hang around Wisconsin. With a surplus of time on my hands, I found this thing in my living room called a “TeeVee.” Pushing buttons on it provides much entertainment in the way of stories acted out by moving characters. Here’s what I like (with caveats, of course):

• CSI. But only the Vegas one. And I hate the violence. And it kind of bugs me how they’re always prowling around in dark places with flashlights. One minute they’re talking to a suspect in a fully lit office, next thing they ask the suspect to step out of the room while they switch off the lights and look for evidence with flashlights. Why turn off the lights to look for teeny pieces of evidence?
  
  
• Without a Trace. It’s a great show, but they keep switching the days and times around so I can never find it. I’m pretty sure it’s personal.
  
  
• Women’s Murder Club. (Are you seeing a theme here?) This is a great show, and I love the actresses and actors on it, plus I think it’s pretty well-written. But I’m not getting too attached. How can a show with such an unbelievably stupid title survive?
  
  
• The Amazing Race. I hate this show with a vitriolic passion that I could write an entire blog post about. It’s horrible and it stresses me out. But for some reason it always runs late on Sunday nights and I have to watch it while waiting for Cold Case to come on.
  
  
• Cold Case. I really like it, but it seems like there’s something wrong with the female star, Kathryn Morris. She’s so pale, she looks kind of sick.
  
  
• The Biggest Loser. Fat people are mean.
  
  
• America’s Next Top Model. Skinny people are mean.
  
  
• Jeopardy. Faithfully. Every. Single. Day. But I think Alex Trebek is secretly anti-woman and subtly roots for the male contestants.
  
  
• Antiques Roadshow. My favorite. I dream of being on it one day and am constantly assessing the value of things I find in my parents’ house, much to my mother’s irritation.
  
  
• Criminal Minds. I think this show is kind of silly, but I’ve somehow gotten sucked into it. I can’t resist a good mystery.
  
  
• Family Guy. I used to live in Rhode Island. It’s one of the best places I’ve ever lived, and this show reminds me of it. I’m pretty sure my baby is going to turn out exactly like Stewie.