Frizzle fried

Because I love sharing the travails of my life with my readers, here’s what I did today:

1. Got myself and baby packed up and ready to go by 7 a.m. (If you’re a parent you know this is the functional equivalent of performing brain surgery on an angry weasel while drunk.)

2. Drove to Babysitter #1's house, gave up my child, had an inner emotional breakdown at leaving my baby with a stranger for the first time.

3. Sped to school, parked at a meter, put my child’s college fund into the meter. Ran a quarter mile to class, got there just in time.

4. Ran back to my car, found the meter expired, fled the scene just as parking enforcement arrived.

5. Sped to Babysitter #1’s house, picked up baby, who promptly threw up on me, sped home.

6. Fed baby, changed baby, burped baby. Threw some peanut butter on a piece of bread and stuffed it in my face while running down the stairs to my car with baby and carrier in my arms.

7. Drove to the law school, parked at a meter, ran up two flights of stairs, across a street and up a large hill carrying nine-pound baby plus fifteen-pound carrier plus backpack with laptop plus monster Environmental Law book plus massive diaper bag containing enough baby supplies for a year. Started to regret my decision to use glass bottles.

8. Met Babysitter #2 in the law school atrium, spent three minutes explaining everything she needed to know about how to take care of a baby, ran up two flights of stairs to class. Arrived five minutes late, endured professor’s withering glare of irritation.

9. Picked baby up from Babysitter #2. Sped home.

10. Fed baby, changed baby, burped baby. Spent a moment thinking about why baby seems to save up all her poo for me.

11. Packed baby back into her car seat for what felt like the millionth time. Endured baby’s withering glare of irritation.

12. Sped halfway to Babysitter #3’s house, realized I left baby’s bottle at home, turned around in a blaze of burning rubber and sped back home. Had an ethical dilemma about whether it was okay to leave baby in the car while I ran inside to get the bottle, decided it wasn’t. Lifted baby plus baby carrier and flew up apartment stairs with Herculean strength. Pondered the underrated strength of women.

13. Gave baby to Babysitter #3, attempted to speed to law school. Got caught behind the notorious Mills Street bus, arrived ten minutes late for Evidence. Wrote this blog post instead of paying attention in class. Wondered why I even bother to show up.

14. Ran halfway across massive campus to give a mandatory presentation for my Thai class (that I stayed up half the night preparing last night). Sped back to Babysitter #3, picked up baby, came home to an apartment that looks like a crime scene, a cranky baby, an empty stomach and an empty kitchen. Wondered how the hell I’m going to get through the next three weeks until graduation.