Zero

Some of you may remember the Thai debacle from last semester whereby I told my professor that grapes are sweet and I never swim in Telephone Tahoe. I somehow managed to pull off an A in that class, but I’m afraid I won’t be so lucky this semester. Today I had the oral portion of my Thai final, which required me to go to the professor’s office and have a twenty minute conversation with her in Thai. As best as I can calculate, here’s a breakdown of my score:

1. Bring my baby to the test because at the last minute I realized I was a giant bonehead and forgot to arrange childcare. Minus ten points.

2. Show up fifteen minutes late because baby had her first major diaper blowout ever, shooting poo all over herself and her car seat with astounding velocity and requiring a hazmat-style cleanup in the backseat of the car. (While parked in the incredibly hot business school parking garage, which is so dark I think people actually use headlamps in there.) Minus ten points.

3. Arrive in professor’s office smelling suspiciously of poo. Don’t notice that I have a big smear of it on my pants leg until I’ve already sat down in the professor’s guest chair. Notice the poo on the chair at the exact same moment the professor notices the poo on the chair. Minus ten points.

4. Because baby pooped on both the outfit she was wearing and her emergency spare outfit, baby is now dressed in nothing but a diaper. Total ghetto style. Minus five points.

5. Ghetto Baby proceeds to fart wildly throughout the exam, causing me to break into uncontrollable nervous laughter every five minutes. Minus twenty points.

6. When trying to apologize to the professor in Thai and thus dazzle her with my command of the language, I accidentally call her a horse. Minus ten points.

7. She actually kind of does look like a horse. Minus twenty points.

8. As the professor attempts to ask me questions in Thai, Ghetto Baby barfs. Minus five points.

9. Then my cell phone rings. Minus ten points.

10. The professor finally gives up. Which I believe brings my score to a big fat zero.

Let’s hope this thing is curved. Now I'm totally going to stop blogging and crack open my Evidence book. Seriously. Right after I water all my plants and wash my thumb.