Tuesday, May 20, 2008
Yack
I'm going through boxes that have been packed away in my basement for three years and I just came across one that hasn't been opened since I moved into my last apartment in New York in 2002. Dude, there was a bag of almonds in there. That's all I'm going to say.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
Gack
It's absolutely killing me that I can't update my blog, but I've been
a) graduating
b) picking my parents up from the airport
c) dealing with said parents, who want to see EVERY tourist attractions my town has to offer
d) packing up baby's entire caboodle
e) sending my baby on the plane to the west coast with my mom
f) writing a 30-page paper in two days
g) taking a six-hour evidence final
h) packing up my apartment
i) getting ready to drive across the country
j) worrying about losing all my blog readers for lack of posts
k) wondering why blogger put those little star ratings on my blog
l) loving the star ratings because maybe people will tell me they love me
m) hating the star ratings because they give me performance anxiety
n) getting kicked off the mils list because I graduated
o) thinking about starting my own list called "moms out of law school" except the acronym would be mools
p) getting a potential offer for a job here in Wisconsin, right after I put my baby on the plane with my mom, gave up my apartment, packed up my worldly goods, and had my father fly out here on a one-way ticket so he could help me drive my car to the west coast
q) thinking about putting a picture of myself on my blog, just for a day, just for the hell of it
r) obsessively checking to see if my grades have been posted, despite the fact that it takes the law school approximately three months to post grades
s) I'm totally not exaggerating - I took civ pro in the fall of my 1L year and didn't get my grade until April
t) wondering if I'll ever have anything entertaining to write about on my blog ever again
u) remembering that I'm about to drive across the country with my dad and thinking that should generate some good stories
v) blogging at 10:30 at night when I really should be pumping, packing, or sleeping, cause that's how much I love my readers
w) realizing that since I've gotten to "w" I now have to go all the way to "z"
x) knowing that this is probably the lamest blog post ever
y) hoping my readers will forgive me
z) and deciding that a sucky blog post is better than no blog post at all
So there you have it. I am officially on hiatus from blogging until:
a) I arrive at my parents house on the west coast
b) I figure out how to spell "hiatus" and punctuate "parents house"
c) I lose the compulsion to express myself in list form
And my friends, that will take:
a) at least a week
a) graduating
b) picking my parents up from the airport
c) dealing with said parents, who want to see EVERY tourist attractions my town has to offer
d) packing up baby's entire caboodle
e) sending my baby on the plane to the west coast with my mom
f) writing a 30-page paper in two days
g) taking a six-hour evidence final
h) packing up my apartment
i) getting ready to drive across the country
j) worrying about losing all my blog readers for lack of posts
k) wondering why blogger put those little star ratings on my blog
l) loving the star ratings because maybe people will tell me they love me
m) hating the star ratings because they give me performance anxiety
n) getting kicked off the mils list because I graduated
o) thinking about starting my own list called "moms out of law school" except the acronym would be mools
p) getting a potential offer for a job here in Wisconsin, right after I put my baby on the plane with my mom, gave up my apartment, packed up my worldly goods, and had my father fly out here on a one-way ticket so he could help me drive my car to the west coast
q) thinking about putting a picture of myself on my blog, just for a day, just for the hell of it
r) obsessively checking to see if my grades have been posted, despite the fact that it takes the law school approximately three months to post grades
s) I'm totally not exaggerating - I took civ pro in the fall of my 1L year and didn't get my grade until April
t) wondering if I'll ever have anything entertaining to write about on my blog ever again
u) remembering that I'm about to drive across the country with my dad and thinking that should generate some good stories
v) blogging at 10:30 at night when I really should be pumping, packing, or sleeping, cause that's how much I love my readers
w) realizing that since I've gotten to "w" I now have to go all the way to "z"
x) knowing that this is probably the lamest blog post ever
y) hoping my readers will forgive me
z) and deciding that a sucky blog post is better than no blog post at all
So there you have it. I am officially on hiatus from blogging until:
a) I arrive at my parents house on the west coast
b) I figure out how to spell "hiatus" and punctuate "parents house"
c) I lose the compulsion to express myself in list form
And my friends, that will take:
a) at least a week
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Zero
Some of you may remember the Thai debacle from last semester whereby I told my professor that grapes are sweet and I never swim in Telephone Tahoe. I somehow managed to pull off an A in that class, but I’m afraid I won’t be so lucky this semester. Today I had the oral portion of my Thai final, which required me to go to the professor’s office and have a twenty minute conversation with her in Thai. As best as I can calculate, here’s a breakdown of my score:
1. Bring my baby to the test because at the last minute I realized I was a giant bonehead and forgot to arrange childcare. Minus ten points.
2. Show up fifteen minutes late because baby had her first major diaper blowout ever, shooting poo all over herself and her car seat with astounding velocity and requiring a hazmat-style cleanup in the backseat of the car. (While parked in the incredibly hot business school parking garage, which is so dark I think people actually use headlamps in there.) Minus ten points.
3. Arrive in professor’s office smelling suspiciously of poo. Don’t notice that I have a big smear of it on my pants leg until I’ve already sat down in the professor’s guest chair. Notice the poo on the chair at the exact same moment the professor notices the poo on the chair. Minus ten points.
4. Because baby pooped on both the outfit she was wearing and her emergency spare outfit, baby is now dressed in nothing but a diaper. Total ghetto style. Minus five points.
5. Ghetto Baby proceeds to fart wildly throughout the exam, causing me to break into uncontrollable nervous laughter every five minutes. Minus twenty points.
6. When trying to apologize to the professor in Thai and thus dazzle her with my command of the language, I accidentally call her a horse. Minus ten points.
7. She actually kind of does look like a horse. Minus twenty points.
8. As the professor attempts to ask me questions in Thai, Ghetto Baby barfs. Minus five points.
9. Then my cell phone rings. Minus ten points.
10. The professor finally gives up. Which I believe brings my score to a big fat zero.
Let’s hope this thing is curved. Now I'm totally going to stop blogging and crack open my Evidence book. Seriously. Right after I water all my plants and wash my thumb.
1. Bring my baby to the test because at the last minute I realized I was a giant bonehead and forgot to arrange childcare. Minus ten points.
2. Show up fifteen minutes late because baby had her first major diaper blowout ever, shooting poo all over herself and her car seat with astounding velocity and requiring a hazmat-style cleanup in the backseat of the car. (While parked in the incredibly hot business school parking garage, which is so dark I think people actually use headlamps in there.) Minus ten points.
3. Arrive in professor’s office smelling suspiciously of poo. Don’t notice that I have a big smear of it on my pants leg until I’ve already sat down in the professor’s guest chair. Notice the poo on the chair at the exact same moment the professor notices the poo on the chair. Minus ten points.
4. Because baby pooped on both the outfit she was wearing and her emergency spare outfit, baby is now dressed in nothing but a diaper. Total ghetto style. Minus five points.
5. Ghetto Baby proceeds to fart wildly throughout the exam, causing me to break into uncontrollable nervous laughter every five minutes. Minus twenty points.
6. When trying to apologize to the professor in Thai and thus dazzle her with my command of the language, I accidentally call her a horse. Minus ten points.
7. She actually kind of does look like a horse. Minus twenty points.
8. As the professor attempts to ask me questions in Thai, Ghetto Baby barfs. Minus five points.
9. Then my cell phone rings. Minus ten points.
10. The professor finally gives up. Which I believe brings my score to a big fat zero.
Let’s hope this thing is curved. Now I'm totally going to stop blogging and crack open my Evidence book. Seriously. Right after I water all my plants and wash my thumb.
Hearsay in 3 days, global warming in 5
Things are getting ugly. It’s three days before my Evidence final and I just opened the chapter on hearsay to discover that, oh shit, this stuff is really complicated. Who knew. I also have five days to write a 30-page paper (that I haven’t even started yet) analyzing various international laws on global warming, then pack up my entire apartment and put my possessions into storage. And pick my parents up at the airport. And graduate. And sit in front of an evil breast pump for at least five hours a day. And take baby to get her vaccines before we lose our good health insurance. And pick up every prescription refill I can get my hands on for the same reason. And drive madly across the country with a cooler full of dry ice before my precious store of frozen breast milk melts. Oh, and take a Thai final. Um...
After spurning offers of Evidence outlines earlier this semester, I humbly appear before you with my tail between my legs asking, make that begging, for your old Evidence outlines. If you have one that you can send me, I won’t send you a picture of my boobs (that tactic didn’t work the last time), but I swear I’ll be eternally grateful. And if I manage to graduate from law school, I’ll start posting pithy and witty things on my blog again. So if you love and/or pity me, send your old evidence outlines to ka4037 at yahoo.
Crap-o-rama.
After spurning offers of Evidence outlines earlier this semester, I humbly appear before you with my tail between my legs asking, make that begging, for your old Evidence outlines. If you have one that you can send me, I won’t send you a picture of my boobs (that tactic didn’t work the last time), but I swear I’ll be eternally grateful. And if I manage to graduate from law school, I’ll start posting pithy and witty things on my blog again. So if you love and/or pity me, send your old evidence outlines to ka4037 at yahoo.
Crap-o-rama.
Also
Oh, and my baby smells like a fish due to some freakish yeast that feeds on the neck creases of innocent babies. Just thought you might want to know.
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